wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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