He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
