Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
