The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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