He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
