I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
