Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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