see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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