Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
