Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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