I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
