so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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