Do you still have your period?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
