Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
