there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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