I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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