I didn't shave. On purpose
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
