You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ladies don't puke and tell
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
