Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
