So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
