I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize