this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
