she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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