Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
