I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
