i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
