is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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