It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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