He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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