There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize