let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize