The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
