The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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