3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
