so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
