In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
