i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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