I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
