According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
