Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize