i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
only you would photoshop your dick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Someone shattered a urinal.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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