I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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