guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do vagina's smell?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
