the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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