someone get that fucking seahorse.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
