It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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