Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
