Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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