ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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