She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
