i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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