Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
