This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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