She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
