Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
