i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
