I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
