Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we're so committed to being not committed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
