on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm like, not good at living.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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