well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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