he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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