the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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