I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
