I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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