I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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