At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
