Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
