Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
