Can Purell be used as lube?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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