her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
