We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
