It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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