there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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