You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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