Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
