we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
