And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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