Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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