So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
