there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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