I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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