trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize