I can text with my tongue
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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