You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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