You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
