At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
