I faked an abortion last night.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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