he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
