I think im going to throw up on grandma
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
worst night to have a conscience
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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