When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
