Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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