So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
